For all of the hullabaloo its generated with its tiny consoles, Nintendo didnt invent retro gaming consoles.Not by a mile. When it released the NES Classic late.Ear Master Pro 6 Patch Only Garbage Was Found' title='Ear Master Pro 6 Patch Only Garbage Was Found' />At a White House press conference today, President Trump accused former FBI director James Comey of perjuring himself before the US Senatea very serious charge.This laptop offers a great balance between size and portability the screen is 15.Its the perfect notebook for alternating between.Welcome To Meat Sack, A Guide To Sports Related Body Horror.The ecosystem of the human body does not want for complexity, nor do the myriad of idiot things we inflict upon it.This is perhaps nowhere more apparent than in the world of sports, where athletes willingly submit their bodies, like monks to their vows, in pursuit of Larry having a nice, drunken night because a bunch of super fit young uns in matching outfits did the correct thing with the ball more often than the other boys.Of course, when you push the ol haunted meat toilet that is your body, sometimes things can malfunction.In close contact, hopes and dreams and pathogens alike can be shared.And when we humans fightwhich we so dearly love to dowe like to just barely almost kill each other.Its very fun. In light of this, were starting a recurring series to investigate all the fleshy nightmares that sports can inflict on the body.From shitting your pants during a marathon to the science of getting kicked in the dick, were going all in on bodies gone wrong.For this inaugural column, well spend some time appreciating the grossness of some common sports stuff.Dead On The Inside.The gothest thing about baseball is Tommy John surgery, and I love telling people about it.The faces they make when I regale them with tales of players who have cadaver tendons woven into their arms are a pure and simple joy.The procedure was developed in 1.L. A. Dodgers team physician Dr.Frank Jobe, and is named for the pitcher who first had the then experimental surgery.Its formally known as ulnar bilateral ligament reconstruction, a fix for dead arm syndrome, which is the final stop in an escalating overuse pathology that affects the shoulder.Its caused by throwing a ball really fucking hard, over and over again.At the time of the first surgery, Jobe put Johns chances of return at 1 in 1.John would then go on to record the majority of his career wins post op.Today, the procedure is so ubiquitous that even a casual fan recognizes the name.Heres how it works first, you need a replacement tendon.Sometimes doctors harvest a tendon from the patient themselves, likely from their forearm, hamstring, or foot.The other option is to harvest a tendon from a cadaver, which is excellent, because it means that players who have had the surgerylike Jose Canseco, John Smoltz, Yu Darvish, Matt Wieters, and an honestly almost unbelievable number of others could potentially have arm ghosts.Imagine, if you will, an undead Boo Radley friend, living comfortably along the gristle and bone of a pitchers arm, mostly aslumber but occasionally waking up, cranky and recalcitrant and unable to cooperate with the catcher.Or a helpful friend, lodged near the elbow, rooting for the home team and perfectly willing to yank her host into the air to nab that impossible flyball.I personally prefer arm poltergeists, ones who wake their owners in the night to open every cabinet in the house.Its all very Angels in the Outfield.Holes are drilled in the humerus and ulna bones in the arm, then the tendon is woven into a figure eight pattern to secure it in place.It tends to work really well and some people question why steroidswhich weaken tendons and have debatable effects on performanceare banned while Tommy John surgerywhich evidence shows does improve performanceis totally fine.Although I do not know if his replacement tendon came from himself or a decedent, I liked to make Angels in the Outfield jokes whenever Carl Crawford was playing.Fucking Bite Me. Of the many sports related injuries that are wont to happen in the bar and bedroom alike, human bite wounds are some of the gnarliest.Your mouth is a wet hot, garbage packed portal to hell, capable of imparting as many as 1.Dont freak out though microbes get a bad rap, as we are still reeling from the GERMS ARE BAD ethos of the 2.You should not, however, relax about human bite wounds that break the skin.Many of your oral compatriots are anarobes, which means they dont need oxygen to survive, and thus love the welcoming abode that tartar provides them.Anarobes will also thrive when embedded in the flesh of your gentle body, quiet and dark and safe from harm.About 1. 0 to 1. 5 percent of human bite wounds get infected, but this number is higher for bites to the hand.Human bites fall into two categories occlusive bites when the bite force pressure is enough to break the skin and clenched fist bites.And since I have a better anecdote to go with the latter type, thats the one were going with today.When you make a fist and punch someone in the mouth, you run the risk of cutting your knuckles on their teeth.Even small wounds sustained this way should be given immediate attention, and Im not fucking around.These cuts are usually only around 3 to 8 millimeters, but you still need to clean them as soon as possible.When your drunk ass nicks your knuckles on Jerrys snaggletooth, youre getting a dose of millions of organisms to an area particularly well suited to spreading them around When you flex and move your hand, the tendons can act like bacterial highways, drawing your bar fight inoculum deeper into the complicated machinery of your hand.These infections can move quickly and you should always keep an eye on the wound for signs of infection, like redness, swelling, pus, and other types of generalized Cronenbergian nightmare fuel.To wit, a cautionary tale A young chap of 1.It was written up in BMJ Case Reports, but you can see pictures over at the Daily Mail.Kiss The Abyss. Since there is nothing sexierand few things more enticing to American audiencesthan consensual almost murder, many fights end with a special hug that makes the sleepy the rear naked choke, or RNC.That its parent hold is the back mount only escalates the sensuality inherent in this loving death hug.It looks pretty brutalits usually accompanied by frantic, red faced squirmingbut this particular blood choke is actually pretty peaceful, so long as you release the hold as soon as your partner is out.Obviously, since we are dealing with cutting off blood to the brain, should you decline to release the choke in a very timely fashion, theres a risk of brain damage and death.But, so long as you get that blood flowing again as soon as possible, research shows that its safe.Moreover, according to judoinfo.No fatalities as a result of shime waza RNC have been reported in the sport of judo since its inception in 1.The RNC isnt an asphyxiation based choke windpipe compression is dangerous to the trachea and besides, airflow obstruction is not a swift way to put someone down.Instead, the RNC interrupts the flow of blood between the brain and the heart, leading swiftly to the warm, natal waters of pure nothingness in mere seconds.When a persons neck is cradled in the familiar forearm embrace of an RNC, the choker applies pressure and blood is immediately hindered from leaving the head.This stoppage gives the chokee a pinked and flushed feeling thanks to a growing congestion of blood.Increasing the pressure more flattens the carotid arteries, which are the main target of the choke and the main source of blood to the brain.A few seconds of this and things fade to black, and quickly.Coming out of a blood choke feels a bit like waking up from the dead, or waking up from being blackout drunk.It takes a few moments to figure out who you are, what is happening, and how you got there.All in all, its a little kiss on the mouth from the abyss and, when performed correctly, causes no lasting damage.Compared to getting your bell rung, I gotta say, its a pretty charming way to end a fight.Do you have questions about sports related bodily horror Want the inside scoop on how a particularly gruesome femur break went down or the intimate details of sharing skin fungiEmail our columnist.Leigh Cowart is a freelance writer whose work has appeared in The Washington Post, The Daily Beast and Hazlitt, among others.Follow her on Twitter voraciousbrain.Careful, she bites.Trump Accuses Comey of Perjury While Dodging Questions About Secret Tapes He Probably Made Up.At a White House press conference today, President Trump accused former FBI director James Comey of perjuring himself before the US Senatea very serious chargeand further advanced the ridiculous charade that he can prove it all with secret tapes which almost certainly do not exist.After managing to stop tweeting for an entire day hallelujah, the president let loose on Friday, accusing Comey of making false statements and lies while testifying under oath.On Twitter, Trump went so far as to declare total and complete vindication even though Comey explicitly stated the president leaned on him to end the investigation into his pal Michael Flynn. Taylor Swift Fearless Torrent 320 Main more. Trump previously characterized the FBI as being in a state of utter disarray under Comey, one of the several pretexts the president used to explain Comeys firing before publicly admitting that what he really wanted was for that whole Russia thing to go away.Those were lies, plain and simple, Comey told the Senate Intelligence Committee.Asked about the tapes he most likely invented on Friday, Trump told reporters, Ill tell you about that sometime in the near future.That future may be sooner than he expected Having accused Comey of perjury, the Senate Intelligence Committee is now demanding that the president hand over the tapes by June 2.So he has two weeks.In the wake of Comeys testimony and Trumps rebuttal, the American public has been left with the difficult decision.Should they believe the G man who once threatened to quit his job as a US attorney on principle and whose former employees cant find anything bad to say about him Or the former casino owner who paid 2.Tough call. Meanwhile, seven of Trumps current and former aides, including son in law Jared Kushner, are currently being scrutinized by a special counsel over their contacts with the Russian government.A special counsel that was only necessary because Trumps attorney general suspiciously omitted his own exchanges with a Russian envoy during his Senate confirmation hearings.Maybe Merriam Webster can just tweet the definition of vindication so the president can learn to use it properly.Correction They already have.
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